The Pack Leader Report

Things have been interesting with the pack lately. Furry Two Legger and Curly Haired Two Legger left for a couple of days, and came back with this small little two legger. Well at least I think it is a two legger, it seems to have two legs , but doesn't seem to actually use them. The little two legger doesn't really do much of anything except make these weird annoying high pitched cries. Being a benelovent Pack Leader, I have learned to ignore these annoying cries. Furry and Curly Haired Two Leggers however seem to find these cries incredibly interesting as they spend a lot of time watching the little one cry. Why they would do that instead of giving me my rubbies is really beyond me.

The only redeeming quality the little one has as far as I can tell, is they attract these other two leggers called "Grandmas". I like the Grandmas. They are very good about giving me plenty of rubbies, and they are not stingy with the treats.

Of course, as much as I like the grandmas, the little one also attracts a bad element. First, there is Pack Leader 2, or at least that's what the two leggers have been calling it. It is nothing like the great me. It is a very wide dog that really just lays about. Except for once when it growled at me. Although, that may have been the Curly Haired Two Legger trying to be funny. She has no idea how close Pack Leader 2 was to being eviscerated.

Pack Leader and Pack Leader 2 attempt to reach some sort of detente.

The other bad element is Monster Ball. It's a ball so you would think it would be likable, but it's monstrously large. And it makes weird echoy noises, so I never turn my back on it. One day, I will find a way to grab it and then I will smush it, but for now we have an uneasy truce. But watch yourself Monster Ball, I will not be trifled with!!!

Pack Leader warily approaches Monster Ball.

While I seemed to be stuck with the useless little one as part of my pack, I tried to add squishy ball to the pack. It is a great and wonderful ball, it is funny colors, it squishes and squeaks. It has all sorts of wonderful smells that are fun to track. It flies, it bounces, it rolls. It is infinitely more entertaining than the little one, and does tons more stuff. But no, Curly Haired declared it was disgusting, and wouldn't bring it out of the transport device. I do get to play with squishy ball at my kingdom on top of the hill, but damn the two leggers and their mastery of doors, or Squishy Ball would totally be part of the pack.

Squishy Ball, Pack Leader's preferred new pack member. Squishy Ball seems perfectly happy in the car.

Well the useless little one seems to be emitting some interesting smells I need to go check out, so concludes this pack report.

The Kid Makes Weight

The Kid is now 2 weeks old, and has just had his 2 week check-up. He has made massive weight gains to get back above his birth weight. He now clocks in at 7 lbs and 1.75 ounces.

While he is still relatively small, registering in only the 10th percentile for his age, The Kid has added a massive 10% of his body weight in a little over a week. This massive change in body type, as well as increase in The Kid's head size, has some people wondering if the Kid's incredible achievements are the results of performance enhancing products. However, The Kid's trainer, T-Bear, is adamant that the changes are the natural results of the growth process and a lot of hard dedicated work by The Kid at the boob. When questioned about a mysterious cream T-Bear was seen applying to The Kid, T-Bear insisted it was a natural banana and honey cream used to sooth tired babies. However, when asked to provide a sample of the cream, T-Bear abruptly insisted he had a very important appointment and could spare no more time for questions.

The Kid had no comment when questioned about his massive weight gain.

The Kid expressing his complete and total lack of a comment regarding allegations of extreme weight gain.

Strike!!!

Things are a bit tense in the house at the moment. The Kid is on a nursing strike. Currently the situation is relatively calm, but earlier things were very tense.

The kid in the midst of his nursing strike.

The Kids demands are still a bit vague, although there is some speculation the strike maybe related to Dork Boy dressing him in a funny hat.

The hat that may have initiated the strike.

Other theories are that The Kid is demanding more religious freedom. While Dork Boy worships at the Church of The All Fixing Duct Tape, while The Kid, given the crowd he hangs out with, seems to be more inclined to worship at the Temple of The Massive Holding Strength Gorilla Tape.

Further evidence The Kid is a fan of Gorilla Tape.

Negotiations are currently on going, and all parties are hopeful an amicable agreement can be reached.

The Gang Of Three

As the kid is a bit of all night animal, and likes to be upstairs and downstairs, Monkey and T-Bear were getting a bit worn out. Monkey had heard it takes a village to raise a child, so he figured a jungle could also raise a child, so he called in the Gang Of Three, a tribe of Gorilla's he knew in his younger days. They're a little rough, but they and The Kid seem to enjoy hanging out in the day, while T-Bear and Monkey rest up to get the kid through his wild nights.

The Kid and The Gang Of Three hang out in Dork Boy's Old Bassinet

The Kid Claims The Room

The Kid has made it home and is already claiming the place as his own. Not only does he have Dork Boy and The Wife entertaining him at all hours of the morning, he also has Grandma Gigi and Grandpa Bilbo around to clothe him and carry him around while he gets a handle on the whole crawling thing. Plus, Monkey, T-Bear, and Pack Leader have explained the subtle details of ownership by peeing. He has managed to pee on both Dork Boy and The Wife, as well as, getting the changing table and off the table and across to the crib. The Kid is pretty sure he will own the whole upstairs by the end of the week.

Monkey,T-Bear and The Kid Plan the ambush that got Dork Boy.

The Kid Arrives

T-Bear and Monkey are now on the clock.

On Jan. 1 The Kid decided he had had enough of Gamedays being spent in the womb, and he was making kickoff for the Sugar Bowl. This was not exactly an easy task since he didn't really start his approach until 2 or 3 in the morning of Jan 1, but by 7am he had estabilished a nice steady pattern to the contractions, and from there the Wife really managed to shoot him out with the help of the great man himself, Dr. Paul, Anesthesiologist of the Gods, and his trusty epidural. Also with some help by Dr. Green, who managed to slide into the room just in time to catch the kid as he arrived. Dork Boy, was some what helpful, he managed to not pass out at any point in the proceeding and he did cut the cord turning the kid loose on the world.

The Kid With Dork Boy and The Wife

Christmas With The Grumps

Well things were hopping around here. Dork Boy's family came out to check out the pad and see how things were set up for The Kids arrival. First to arrive were the Crazy Aunt 2 and Fire Fighter Unc. They were of course a great deal of fun. Next to arrive were Grumps and Grammy Goose, who made it despite having to spend an evening of fun in the Denver Airport. As is often the case in Grumps family get together, there was a great deal of drinking and football watching. First the kids went to check out The Rosenblum Winery in Alameda, which is very very tasty wine, especially for a wine made in a former naval base. Then they tried to visit the Hangar One Distillery, to taste vodkas and scotches. However, they were foiled by the release of Absinthe, which, despite being by all accounts, a truly disgusting drink, some how or another lured mobs of people to taste it. Since the kids didn't have any desire to wait for 4 hours to taste a bad tasting hallucinatory beverage, they went home and drank beer. T-Bear and Monkey did not really understand the fascination with things not beer and banana related.

The next day, after collecting Grumps and G. Goose from the airport, the family once again tried the Hangar One Distillery to see if they could find find some good scotch for Grumps (he is remarkably less grumpy with some good scotch.) The family quickly learned Vodka tasting not quite the relaxed tasting experience of the winery. First, there were are a lot of alcohols to taste. Second, they all had completely different tastes: lemon, lime, rasberry, black tea, white tea, scotch, plain vodka, dessert wine stuff. The combination of these can be a bit rough on a stomach. Monkey was a bit annoyed there was no banana vodka. T-Bear was a bit weirded out by the honey-white tea concoction. In the end, the family decided they preferred to drank beer and eat boiled peanuts.

The next day was devoted to smoking turkeys, drinking beer, and eating boiled peanuts. Then the next day was devoted to unwrapping presents. Dork boy was very excited to get a meat cook book, and a new drill. The new drill was especially exciting as it may avoid some of future blind type disasters.

Here Pack Leader, Monkey and T-Bear recover from the Grumps visit.