The T Bear and Monkey Chronicles

The Kid and His Truck

2009-10-20T09:24:00.000-07:00

Here is The Kid on his favorite day of the week - Garbage Truck Day. T-Bear and Monkey aren't so sure they understand the excitement. T-Bear, being a bear, find garbage tasty but really doesn't understand the obsession with the actual truck, and really doesn't understand why you would give away all those tasty snacks. Monkey mostly just wishes there was more banana oatmeal.

The Kids Watering Technique

2009-06-22T11:59:00.000-07:00

Neither T-Bear nor Monkey are exactly sure why The Kid is so focused on the watering of his toe. T-Bear thinks maybe it is some how related to Sherpa training and learning to focus the mind to stop the effects of frostbite. Or The Kid is just really excited he now knows the word water.

He also says "water" a lot when trying to get Dork Boy to follow his sophisticated watering technique.

The key to The Kid's special watering technique is the use of two hands.
This allows for maximum accuracy when flipping the bucket upside down,
as opposed to waiting to pour the water.

The Kid Celebrates Fathers Day

2009-06-21T15:52:00.000-07:00

The Kid tries to be a good kid, and do nice things like find Grumps and Bilbo good father's day cards. However, due to his regular association with the slightly sarcastic T-Bear, The Kid doesn't have a great love of the sweet and emotional cards. Unfortunately, the grandfather based cards tend to be of that variety. So, instead of sending a card to the grandfathers,(and it was totally because of bad cards and nothing what so ever to do with Dork Boy being completely unorganized) The Kid decided to demonstrate the things he has learned from Bilbo and Grumps. So far The Kid seems to have learned two things: an appreciation of macro-brews in cans and a love of golf clubs.

The Kid Relaxing With A Nice Cool Can Of Beer. Excellent for soothing teething.

The Grandpa's may want to work on the kid's stroke or start teaching him about hockey.

The Kid Learns From Grammy And Poppy

2009-05-05T21:50:00.000-07:00

The Kid is a good kid, and as a good kid he has a great deal of respect for his elders. Two of the elders he has the most respect for are his great grandparents, Grammy and Poppy. Due to his great respect he has begun to try to emulate them, not always with the greatest of success, but always with the best of intentions. The Kid's Grammy is an excellent gardener, and The Kid has begun trying to do some of her gardening tricks. Unfortunately, The Kid hasn't quite mastered Grammy's skills at getting flowers to grow in the garden, but he is very good at adding sticks and removing dirt and seedlings from the garden, which he is convinced will help the flowers grow.

The Kid decides which of the plants deserves his special gardening treatment.

The Kid's attempts to emulate Poppy, have taken a strange turn. Rather than try to imitate Poppy's legendary tennis game or his epic skills at navigation, The Kid has taken to sporting a Poppyesque beard.

Two mighty fine beards.

Water Training

2009-03-10T21:46:00.000-07:00

Recently The Kid took a break from Sherpa training to focus on his water skills. Escorted by The Wife, Monkey and The Kid's current preferred travel companion (but The Wife's least favorite), Rattle Dog, The Kid headed down to San Diego for a few days of intense training. The trip started out on a more relaxed note, with The Kid spending some time enjoying his new favorite past time...Aeronautic Observation.

Once in San Diego, The Kid began his training by taking a closer look at underwater friends and foes.

The Kid learning about underwater friends

The Kid demonstrating his technique of dealing with underwater foes

Once The Kid was up to speed on underwater life, he headed out for his first intense training session.

The Kid leading the hesitant Wife and Gigi into the water

The Kid getting some assistance with toe strengthening exercises

The Kid working on sand sprints

We are not exactly sure why The Kid decided training would go better without pants

After a tough workout in the water, The Kid practiced digging sandpits and spent some time directing beach traffic.

The Kid using the Porter technique to dig his sandpit

The Kid is surprised how dirty sandpit digging can be

The Kid brings in the big guns, as some times a small yellow shovel just isn't enough.

The Kid heading back for another water workout

Luckily, The Kid's water training coincided with a visit with some of the Family Elders and allowed him to check in on his side kick, Gumbo's training.

The Kid and The Wife with Crazy Aunt #1 and Gumbo

The Kid and The Wife visiting with Gigi, Crazy Aunt #1, Gumbo and Great Grammy and Poppy

Gumbo showing The Kid how his flight training is going

Of course The Kid's Sherpa training wasn't totally forgotten as he did manage to fit in a quick climb to Bilbeauxz Plateau.

The Kid with Sherpa Great Grammy on the descent from Bilbeauxz Plateau

Into The Upstairs

2009-02-16T23:10:00.000-08:00

The Kid, T-Bear and Monkey had been planning the expedition for months. They had been training for almost a year. Well, The Kid had been training, advancing from being completely immobile, to being able to support his head, to being able to sit up, to being able to crawl, and now he could finally pull himself up to a standing position. Monkey and T-Bear had mostly hung out eating bananas and honey respectively, but they could already walk, so there wasn't that much training to actually do. By mid-December they decided they were physically ready to table the awesome challenge of Mt. Gigishouse.

The Kid doing stove pull-ups as part of his intensive training program.

The Kid practices his climbing technique and use of an authentic climbing sweater on his local mountain.

Their crack support staff quickly took care of the final travel arrangements and insuring the proper visas, permits and inoculations were obtained. (Actually the final travel arrangements mostly consisted of figuring out how to cram all Kid and Pack Leader related gear into the car; visas, permits and inoculations would have been much easier.) With the preparations done, the crew set off on the journey to base camp. It was a long journey that took a lot out of the team, particularly on the support staff. In particular, Dork Boy needed a lot of rest after the journey because of some very late nights of navigating. While the logistic staff rested, the climbing team began preparing for the arduous climb.

Due to weather conditions at Mt. Gigishouse, the team had a limited window to reach the summit. Because of this, the team was planning on spending several days acclimatizing at base camp, and then making an aggressive rapid one day ascent and descent, as opposed to the more conservative approach of spending a night at the high base camp on Bilbeauxz Plateau.

The acclimatizing phase went very well. After several days T-Bear, Monkey and The Kid were all very comfortable with the environment. In fact, acclimatizing may have gone to well because when it came time to set out for the climb, T-Bear and Monkey decided rather than making a cold brutal climb to the harsh conditions at the peak of Mt. Gigishouse, they would remain in the warm cozy conditions of base camp where there where lots and lots and lots of snacks were readily available. Thus, The Kid set out for the peak of Mt. Gigishouse on a cloudy day in late Decemember with only his trusty sidekick, Sherpa Bilbo for company.

The plan for the ascent was to begin the climb up the long South Ridge to reach Bilbeauxz Plateau. Then take a quick rest, before making the technical tricky crossing to the North Ridge. Then a quick ascent up the North Ridge to the peak. Then they would have to make descent the way the had come and reach Base Camp before the weather window closed.

The climb began well. The Kid was climbing quickly and confidently. But as they reached the top of the South Ridge the altitude began to effect the The Kid. He began climbing much slower and less stably. It took all of Sherpa Bilbo's concentration to avert disaster several times, but they did reach Bilbeauxz Plateau on schedule. However, The Kid was very tired, and after a brief rest he considered giving up his dream of reaching the peak. But after consulting with the staff at Base Camp and Sherpa Bilbo, he decided to continue.

The rest gave The Kid a burst of energy, and he quickly crossed the Bilbeauxz Plateau. However, the short steep climb up the North Ridge was a brutal slog. The Kid had to battle cold and a much thinner atmosphere. But eventually because of the determination of The Kid and the skill of Sherpa Bilbo The Kid reached the mystical peak of Mt. Gigishouse.

The Kid celebrating reaching the peak.

After a great deal of celebrating his monumental achievement, The Kid had to begin the climb back to base camp. Unfortunately the prolonged exposure to the thinner atmosphere of The Upstairs had left The Kid highly disoriented. Either because of some death wish or because of his training to become the first drive of a co-ed bobsled team, The Kid insisted on attempting to make the descent head first. For several tense moments both the base camp staff and Sherpa Bilbo pleaded with The Kid to go feet first, but to no avail. Finally, Sherpa Bill was forced to restrain The Kid and carry him back to Base Camp.

The Kid and Baby D during an early bobsled training session.

After arriving at Base Camp, The Kid had a sippy cup, some Cheerios and some string cheese and was completely revived. He was so revived he tried to steal some of Dork Boys celebratory beer and enjoyed retelling stories of his epic climb.

The Kid Mountain climber and renowned beer thief

Challenging Grand Great Aunt Jamie.

2009-01-27T09:07:00.002-08:00

The Kid may not quite be able to walk but he is mastering the use of the table as walker technique. He definitely has some good speed working, but he still has a few issues with steering. As soon as he gets those issues worked out, he's totally challenging his Grand Great Aunt Jamie(who is Dork Boys Great Aunt, as well as being generally grand and great) who is true master of the walker.

Although before that he may want to give Monkey and T-Bear a ride as they are a little annoyed the Legos seem to be getting a ride and not them.

The Long Lost Introduction of Captain Christmas and his sidekick Cousin Gumbo

2009-01-01T18:59:00.000-08:00

The Kid and Cousin Gumbo in full Christmas Super Hero regailia.

For most people the key figure of Christmas is Santa Claus, but those in the know, know the person who really makes Christmas go is The Kid, or more specifically his Christmas alter ego, Captain Christmas. Captain Christmas is the official super hero of Christmas, and like most super heros he has a side kick, in his case it is his Cousin Gumbo. Being remarkably young(most experts agree Gumbo maybe the youngest Sidekick on record) Gumbo is still in training, so he isn't completely up on some of the key sidekick tasks, such as moving and uttering catch phrases. He does however emit a very entertaining pterodactyl squeak.

Cousin Gumbo recovering from a particularly energetic petrotacyl squeak.

Since neither Captain Christmas nor Cousin Gumbo are supremely mobile(Captain Christmas has only recently learned how to access areas protected by stairs going up, and he still is a bit stymied by stairs going down.) they take care of some more obscure tasks related to making Christmas happen, while Santa takes care of some of the flashier Christmas tasks, like delivering presents. Captain Christmas's main focus is stopping evil poorly faked Santa beards. This mostly involves sitting on the laps of mall Santas, and grabbing a fist full of beard and shaking. Most Santas are a little surprised by this, but quickly recover, and generally they appreciate Captain Christmas's efforts to keep the riff raff out of the mall santa ranks. Although, mall Santas initially appreciate the effort, they do occasionally become a little preturbed by the arduous task of disengaging Captain Christmas from the beard. Captain Christmas likes to make sure he's very thorough in his testing of the beard, and occasionally doesn't let go for a while.

Footage from one of Captain Christmas missions to check out mall santas.

In addition to stopping evil Santas, Captain Christmas also spends a fair amount of time inspecting christmas wrapping paper. His inspection method is unique put effective. He tends to grab paper fling in the air and then krinkle it a bit to test the structural integrity of the paper. Then he drags the paper over his head to check for both visual and ollfactory imperfections. Most people wouldn't think to check paper for smell issues, but not the hyper-dedicated Captain Christmas.

Captain Christmas really gets involved in wrapping paper inspections.

When not inspecting Santa beards and wrapping paper, Captain Christmas is often on rogue elf patrol. Many people don't know the stress of getting all the toys made by Christmas and the 6 months of freezing cold and no sunlight, can occasionally drive elves rogue. Because of this Captain Christmas make regular patrols to look for the elves. These patrols usually involve crawling about in his special Captain Christmas cape and looking in all unlocked cabinets, drawers and toy bins. You never know where the rogue elves could be hiding, and Captain Christmas does enjoy a good chaotic emptying of a cabinet, drawer or toy bin.

Nobody ever expects the Elvish Inquisition, except Captain Christmas who is constantly on patrol for rogue elves.

The Kid Expands His Diet

2008-12-06T22:35:00.000-08:00

The Kid recently made a trip to Dork Boys homeland. This necessitated a rather lengthy plane ride and some additions to The Kid's diet. The plane flight was an object of dread for Dork Boy and The Wife, but The Kid was kind and generous, and therefore was a very cooperative traveler, even if he was a bit confused as to why the hell they had to get up at 4am to go somewhere. Dork Boy was a bit confused by this as well, and he made the reservations.

While The Kid was fairly well behaved during the flight, he was pretty annoyed that he could not crawl up and down the aisle. He tried once or twice, but the kind cabin attendant with the drink cart kind of insisted he remain in his seat. Luckily, we were somewhat mollified by getting to play with the touch screen in the seat back. Whacking the screen and watching the display change was good for at least an hours worth of entertainment, which made most of the plane very happy. The one exception would be the lady in the seat in front of The Kid. She did not particularly enjoy some of The Kid's more energetic channel changing maneuvers.

While the plane flight was something he endured, The Kid did enjoy two new taste treats native to Dork Boy's homeland - BBQ and Fast Food Grease. The Kid was particularly fond of BBQ Ribs, which he tended to steal off of Dork Boy's plate.

The Kid helpfully insures all ribs were completely free of meat.

The Kid was a little reluctant to return the pilfered ribs.

The Kid was not as fond the tasty grease of The Varsity. However, part of the problem may have been The Wife's frequent and forceful warnings about Dork Boy's impending heart attack after each onion ring. While, The Kid was not that fond of The Varsity's food(although he was only allowed to eat it bits of hot dog bun), he was very pleased with The Varsity inspired fashion.

The Kid can wear the hat, but is still working on the "Whadya have? Whadya have?"

Sherpa Pirate

2008-11-25T23:00:00.000-08:00

Not content with merely being a Master of The High Mountains, The Kid is now also in training to rule the high seas.

The Kid directs Dork Boy and The Wife about the bay. Generally this involved going from one tug boat to another.

While the Kid is very excited to be on the boat and directing where to go, he is really most excited about the ropes. Because of this he volunteered to be part of the cabin crew.

The Kid is a bit dismayed at the clutter Dork Boy allows below decks.

When not organizing the many lines and sails Dork Boy left scattered about the cabin, The Kid was busy helping Gigi run the jib sheets.

The Kid explain to Gigi the importance of always keeping a hand on the jib sheet and watching the tell tails.

While The Kid greatly enjoyed his initial sailing experience, there was very little boarding and taking of ships(although The Kid did give several Tug Boats some very long looks) and pretty much no rum was consumed, so it could be a while before The Kid begins the journey to the Somali coast to take his place as the pirate kingpin.

The Big Brown House Mouse

2008-11-25T22:14:00.000-08:00

Halloween was a bit tense for The Kid, T-Bear and Monkey. First T-Bear and Monkey were not allowed to go Trick-Or-Treating. This did not make the guys all that happy. T-Bear, being a bear, is a big fan of sweets, and Monkey is remarkably fond of costumes. However, given that the Kid was going to Z.'s house which was going to be full of a number of other kiddos, maybe adding a Monkey and a Bear was a bit much.

While the guys were a bit bummed, they were at least in it together. However, that changed when The Kid's costume was revealed. The Kid was going to go as a Bear. This little fact through the delicate balance between the bears and the monkeys all out of whack. The Monkeys and The Bears are by no means antagonist, but still that many animals in a small house, protocols must be followed to insure toes are not stepped on, and The Kid being a Bear definitely broke some of those protocols.

But before things could get out of hand, The Wife inadvertently calmed things down. While trying to add some whiskers to the fierce little bear, she managed to turn him into a Big Brown House Mouse. And Nobody is upset by a Big Brown House Mouse. Well except for The Kid who wasn't so excited about having to wear a really warm Big Brown House Mouse costume.

While unhappy about the really warm hood, The Kid did love getting to play with the candy bucket.(Wife's Note:no candy was eaten)

Sherpa Field Training

2008-11-08T10:26:00.000-08:00

As part of Sherpa School, The Kid went through an intensive field training course. The Kid had to guide the motley crew of Dork Boy, The Wife, Gigi, Bilbo, Crazy Aunt 1, and Cajun Unc through the Senoran desert. No easy task, especially for a guide who can't actually walk. Although, The Kid is slowly mastering the art of moving by neither walking or crawling. He uses some sort combination of flopping, sitting, drooling, and sherpa mind power to move about. Its slow but surprisingly effective. However, this is not the method he used to get about around the desert(not so much because he couldn't, but because the resulting dirt ball would have give The Wife a heart attack). He instead used his revolutionary side saddle backpack riding method.

The Kid demonstrates his side saddle technique, as well as Dork Boys ridiculous hair.

As well as keeping his motley crew from dying in the Senoran Desert, The Kid tried to educate Dork Boy on some of the native plants and the basics of navigating on trails.

The Kid shows Dork Boy trail markers, and native plants, as well, as making fun of Dork Boys horrendous hair.

The Kid's instruction was so successful that Dork Boy and The Wife were able to go for a hike all by themselves. Although, The Kid did send them on a simple hike were all they had to do was follow the river. Dork Boy still tried to get lost a couple times, but The Wife kept them pointed in the right direction.

Sights from Dork Boy and The Wife's hike. Dork Boys hair while not as visible is still ratty looking.

In addition to the technical details of guiding the hike, The Kid did a great job of getting the group to have fun. This particularly was necessary with the shy and retiring Cajun Unc, but by continually bouncing every time he saw Cajun Unc, The Kid managed to get the message that Cajun Unc should relax and have some fun. By the end of the weekend, Cajun Unc really had loosened up.

Here is Cajun Unc being a little tense. Crazy Aunt is just being crazy.

Here Cajun Unc looking much more happy and relaxed after several bounce messages from The Kid.

All in all it was a very successful trip to the desert. The Kid did an excellent job leading the hiking party, and will now get to continue with more advanced training at Sherpa School. He has already moved onto proper food handling(most of this involves not mushing the food). In addition, he started his studies in wildlife identification by going to the zoo.

Cause Grandmas Like Moving Pictures

2008-09-30T23:42:00.000-07:00

Some people(Grandma's) feel maybe the accounts given by T-Bear and Monkey don't give them all the details they need to know about The Kid. While T-Bear and Monkey could have tried for more flowery descriptive prose to paint a more complete picture, they are pretty smart creatures and realized flowery descriptive prose is not so easy. However, using Dork Boy's credit card to purchase a camera with video capabilities is easy. Thus T-Bear and Monkey present The Kid in moving pictures and squeals.

To add further embarrassment to The Kid's bath adventures, T-Bear and Monkey proudly present a gratuitous butt shot.

T-Bear and Monkey assure all concerned that the choice to show such embarrassing photos is in no way related to them having to share a bed with a kid who has made an unfortunate habit of overflowing his pee diaper.

The Texas Delegation

2008-09-30T22:10:00.000-07:00

Being endorsed by the state of Texas is not all fun Lyle Lovett related benefits, there are some duties. One of the main tasks The Kid must handle, is meeting with the occasional delegation from Texas, so that he can stay in touch with issues effecting Texans. Recently, he had a visit from official Texas baby, Baby B. Baby B was accompanied by his talented staff of Nana and The Snorter. Not to be out done, The Kid had his normal staff of T-Bear and Monkey. While T-Bear and Monkey are generally excellent staff, they are however a little out of there depth when it comes to the intricate protocol required to host an official Texas delegation. For this reason, The Kid brought in the expert, Gigi. Gigi did an excellent job of making sure there were no faux paux. Although, as far as T-Bear and Monkey could determine, the intricate protocol for an official Texas visit seems to involve lots and lots of dessert making. Well, there was some sort of hullabulu about pants being to short, but otherwise it seemed to be mostly dessert.

Baby B with his staff.

The actual meeting was very productive. The Kid and Baby B had a very intense discussion over a German consortiums plan for a gravity powered light rail system.

The Kid and Baby B take a break from intentally studing the scale model supplied by the german consurtium

They met with a group of expat Texans to learn what their concerns were for life outside the borders of Texas.

The Kid and Baby B meet with prominent members of the Texas Expatriate community

They also discussed environmental concerns such as the necessity of green spaces and the importance and practically of ride sharing.

The Kid and Baby B demonstrating that carpooling doesn't just apply to commuting.

Fun In The Water

2008-08-30T22:47:00.001-07:00

Due to The Kid's hectic social schedule, he's attended several pool parties. He was a little unsure exactly how to handle these water based social events, so he checked with Monkey and T-Bear to see what swimming was like. While normally going to a bear and monkey for advice on pretty much any subject is a brilliant idea, asking them about swimming in a pool may be one of the few instances where they don't offer brilliant advice. Monkey tried to convince the kid to avoid all swimming, as swimming invariably led to encounters with crocodiles, and in Monkey's experience crocodiles where not the best swim buddies in the world. T-Bear on the other hand assured him swimming was great, although he had to make sure he scooped out all the salmon he could find. The Kid was not so excited about swimming with either salmon or crocodiles, so he was a little worried when he went to Z's birthday pool party.

The Kid anxiously looking for crocodiles to avoid or salmon to scoop.

After a few tentative trips into the pool that involved no crocodiles or salmon, The Kid decided maybe pools weren't the scary experience he had been led to expect. Z also assured him, in her vast pool experience, salmon and crocodiles were very rare.

With this encouragement The Kid was much more excited about the pool at baby D's little get together. Not only did the kid dip his feet in the water, he got his face wet and did some fast fast motorboating and a little practice waterskiing.

The Kid showing his skills as a fast fast motorboat.

Unfortunately there was no photographic evidence of The Kid's water skiing skills. However, The Kid is pretty sure it looked a lot like this:

The Kid is all about the intensity just like the Zooker.

Whether or not The Kid's skiing is that intense, he is now a much bigger fan of pools, and a little more unsure whether T-Bear and Monkey are as knowledgeable as they claim.

More Parenting Oddities

2008-08-30T22:39:00.000-07:00

T-Bear and Monkey are not really sure what to make of this. Either it's some sort of new age baby restraint device, or Dork Boy is growing clones of The Kid in the garden. Currently, T-Bear and Monkey are keeping a close eye on the garden.

The Kid either restrained from rolling all about the room, or hanging out with The Kid Clone 1 and The Kid Clone 2.

Gameday Comes!!!

2008-08-24T19:57:00.000-07:00

The Kid is ready for the beginning of college football gamedays. He's not all that sure he understands the intricacies of college football, but he's pretty sure it involves lots of excitement. At least, there was lots of excitement when he was in utero. Based on the in utero experience, game day involves some yelling of "Gameday!!!", then Dork Boy gets grumpy and becomes convinced the dawgs will lose, but The Wife trys to reassures him everything will be fine because it's only the first quarter. However, Dork Boy tends to not believe this at all because he invariably stomps off and disappears for a while. Then he comes back, cheers, decides the dawgs don't suck and begins to contemplate naming children after Knowshon and Rennie Curran. This continues for a while, then The Wife generally says "See I told you they'd be fine". Then there is a brief break. After which, the wife begins to jump around a lot saying things like, "What the hell was that!!!", "F#$*&ng Weiss!!", "Genius My Ass!!!". Then Dork Boy tries to assure The Wife it's not that bad. The Wife generally seems to scoff at this, and to be honest Dork Boy doesn't sound like he believes it all that much. Based on the fairly continual yelling, The Kid's pretty sure it was that bad. Although The Kid did enjoy the jumping, so from his perspective it wasn't that bad.

Charlie better get his genius act on or The Kid's first words maybe "Weiss is a f@#$%!g idiot!!!"

The Kid did make the last gameday of last season. Although, it was a bit different than he imaged. There was very little jumping, but that may have been due to his arrival which apparently made jumping fairly uncomfortable for the wife. There was lots of yelling "f%k*" and "s#$t" which normally are a big part of gamedays, however there was very little mention of Weiss. Also the game was a bit strange since it seemed to involve very large men in black chasing somebody called Colt Brennan. The Kid is pretty sure he never wants to be the Colt Brennan.

Colt Brennan is not sure he wants to ever be the Colt Brennan again.

To help be more prepared for gamedays this season, The Kid consulted with T-Bear on the needed skills, and he's pretty sure he can handle the basics of college football watching.

First he has his gameday outfit complete with lucky hat.

He has mastered the details of sitting on the couch and operating the remote control.

And he learned to operate the beer bottle.

The Kid Does Some Construction

2008-08-02T21:31:00.000-07:00

The Wife has been on a bit of crusade to rid the house of her nemesis the toilet. Nobody is quite sure exactly what the root of the hatred is, but it is a deep and abiding hatred. And it finally reached it's peak; The Wife declared the toilet had to go. This is when the Kid stepped in. Based on T-Bear and Monkey's report on Dork Boy's attempts to hang blinds, The Kid decided maybe it was better if Dork Boy wasn't really involved in the installing the toilet.

So The Kid jumped in his command center and got his all girl construction crew on the job.

The Kid supervises the initial installation of the toilet.

While his crew did an excellent job of doing the heavy lifting and getting the toilet installed, The Kid had to do the small details of getting the toilet just right.

The Kid gets in position to make some detailed adjustments.

While many had hoped the removal of the toilet would all The Wife to settle into a life free of hatred for house hold items, it appears that is not to be the case. The Wife has now turned her ire on the windows that have dared to allow a draft. The Kid is currently reviewing the finer points of window installation.

The Best Office In Town

2008-07-11T20:43:00.000-07:00

After observing Dork Boy hard at work at his massive desk, The Kid requested his own work center. He seems to have gotten the best one in town.

While not overly large, it is very sunny and airy. However, The Kid's love of laying on his blanket and staring at the flapping ceiling does mean not much work gets done. Another problem is Pack Leader is a bit jealous of the Kid's cool new digs. This could lead to a vicious game of corporate politics which isn't so good for The Kid, as he still only speaks gibberish. Gibberish may make the grandma's swoon, but it won't sway the crowd at the water cooler.

Orange Beard!!!!

2008-07-11T20:29:00.000-07:00

Despite no longer being a heathen, The Kid seems to be starting on a career as Orange Beard The Pirate. No word on whether T-Bear or Monkey will serve as his first mate, although both have expressed excitement over the possibility of rum. Although, Monkey has requested his in banana daiquiri form.

Arghh!!!!!

The Kid Gets Dunked

2008-07-09T22:42:00.000-07:00

T-Bear and Monkey are a little confused as to the exact purpose of this whole baptism thing, but Dork Boy, The Wife and the grandparents seemed to feel it was a fairly big deal. Or at least they made the kid wear a fairly spectacular outfit that was some sort satiny papal robe get-up.

Then there was a ceremony with a pool thing, some annointing of oils, pouring of waters, and rejecting of satan. The Kid found the whole thing not nearly as exciting as his typical bath, or at least a whole lot drier and did absolutely no fussing. While The Kid was perfectly happy, T-Bear and Monkey weren't completely sure how the priest man felt about the kids snazzy red shoes.

Dork Boy contemplating the appropriate response to The Kid spitting his binker into the baptismal pool.

The Kid showing off the kicks. Also showing off a bit too much leg for a church.

Anyway, as part of this dunking process Dork Boy and The Wife, had to select Godparents to be in charge of The Kid's spiritual upbringing. For some reason they selected, Fake Unc Lawyer Boy and Fake Aunt Brooke Anne. T Bear And Monkey may not know the most about religion, but relying on lawyers for spiritual matters seems a doubtful proposition. However, The Kid does seem fond of them.

The whole dunking crew celebrating The Kids ability to have water poured on his head.

The Kid showing that baptism, capes and fedoras totally go together.

The Rarely Seen Tiger Ninja

2008-06-14T09:45:00.000-07:00

While much of T-Bear's fairly shady background is shrouded in mystery, it is known that before beginning work as a teddy bear, he was a fairly accomplished nature photographer. Apparently, being a bear makes it very easy to blend into natural setting. Although he did say not having thumbs made actually operating the camera a bit difficult. He has provided us with some his shots of the rarely seen Tiger Ninja in mid-pounce. The Tiger Ninja is easily identified by its Tiger Printed Ninja sleepware, as well as it's tendency to drool and giggle before pouncing. While appearing very cute, the Tiger Ninja is a surprisingly vicious hunter. Due to the stunning speed of the Tiger Ninja's attack these are not the best pictures.

The rare Tiger Ninja in mid pounce.

The pouncing Tiger Ninja being very surprised to be pouncing on a camera wielding bear.

Baby Al Davis

2008-06-04T22:38:00.000-07:00

This is the outfit that Dork Boy likes to call the Al Davis Outfit. He calls it this because well he's a dork, and because at this point all white sweat suits really have to be associated with Al Davis. Anyway, because it is the Al Davis Outfit, Dork Boy really likes to dress The Kid in it. So if The Kid grows up to look like this:
And spends a lot of time mumbling about "Just Win Baby" and the importance of the vertical passing game, it can all be blamed on Dork Boy.

Super Extreme Elitist

2008-05-29T22:52:00.000-07:00

Most people agree the true test of whether you have an elitist baby is whether they have multiple nannies. Generally this is a day nanny and night nanny, but The Kid totally beats this. He really doesn't have a nanny, but he does have T-Bears and Monkeys, and not just one set of T-Bear and Monkey, and not even just two sets of T-Bears and Monkeys, he,in fact, has three pairs of T-Bears and Monkeys: upstairs T-Bear and Monkey, downstairs T-Bear and Monkey, and last but not least are Travel T-Bear and Monkey. Based on his massive collection of bears and monkeys we must conclude The Kid is beyond elitist, and is in fact Super Extreme Elitist.

The Kid with his hordes of T-Bears and Monkeys.

For Grumps

2008-05-20T23:11:00.000-07:00

Grumps has often wished that Dork Boy would occasionally wear a collared shirt. He will be happy to know that a collared shirt was worn as Dork Boy and The Kid left for work and Sherpa School.

The Kid showing how business casual is done. Dork Boy showing how dork-wear is done.

Unfortunately that was probably not who Grumps hope would wear the collared shirt.

Odd Parenting

2008-04-30T21:12:00.000-07:00

Although, T-Bear and Monkey consider Dork Boy and dork, and The Wife is a bit suspect by association, they have seemed to be staying out of the way enough for T-Bear and Monkey to insure The Kid would grow up to be some what normal, but things have been changing lately.
First, Dork Boy got a new camera that unfortunately has burst mode. Dork Boy is a bit fond of burst mode, often generating hundreds of pictures at a time. Normally this wouldn't be a problem since this would mostly keep him amused in a harmless task, but unfortunately burst mode allows Dork Boy to capture some truly horrible images.

The Kid in mid-spit take.

Dork Boy's love of these images, will clearly be a bit embarrassing for The Kid, however the much bigger problem maybe the The Wife who may have lost her mind. She seems obsessed with dressing The Kid in matching outfits.

The Wife clearly has an insane look in her eye. The Kid clearly has a look that says "Call Child Services Now!!!" T-Bear and Monkey are still not sure whether to actually make the call. They are leaning towards making the call.

The Kid is A Social Animal

2008-04-30T20:25:00.000-07:00

T-Bear is very impressed with The Kids ability to already become one of the cool kids at Sherpa School. Granted much of the T-Bear's respect is based on his lack of math skills and lack of experience with packs. Really, being part of the cool kids in a school of 2 is not that impressive, unless of course you're a bear. Despite the small school The Kid has had a very full social calendar lately. First, he was invited to the biggest social event of the year for Sherpa School, Baby D's birthday party. The Kid did a fair amount of mixing and mingling at the swaree. He seemed to be particularly fond of visiting with the ladies.

The Kid relaxing with The Wife and Baby D's Lovely MeMe.

The Kid visits with Baby Z and Baby Z's lovely grandmother

Both T-Bear and Monkey were very impressed with that The Kid was able to get so much time with the ladies despite having a few spit-up issues. Both felt he must be one smooth baby to get away with spitting-up at a party. Spitting-up is highly frowned upon at both bear and monkey parties.

As much as T-Bear and Monkey were impressed with The Kid for getting to go to Baby D's party, they were even more impressed that internet super star The Snuggly Kid came to visit.

The Kid hanging out with the highly photogenic Snuggly Kid.

The get together was going extremely well until the two kids got into a bit of discussion as to which of them should actually be the Kid with a capital K. That's when the Snuggly Kid, despite her name, went a little diva-ish and said "Talk To The Hand".

The Kid attempting to talk to the hand.

The mom's quickly moved into keep things civil and a good time was had by all. Although, the Snuggly Kid seemed to be fond of playing with Dork Boy which T-Bear and Monkey fond to be a bit odd, and merely confirmed to them you should never trust those internet sensations.

Snuggly Kid and Dork Boy between exciting rounds of horsey.

A Milestone and A Decision

2008-04-13T21:12:00.000-07:00

The Dork Boy and The Kid have reached a major milestone, they have finished there first book, First You Have To Row A Boat. This is a touching tale of life lessons learned by learning to sail in the Great South Bay off Long Island. This obviously will warp The Kid for life, but Dork Boy thought it might lay the ground work for a love of sailing. Of course, trying this will only ensure the kid will have a great love of jet boats or something equally obnoxious. Now The Kid and Dork Boy are reading The Sun Also Rises, which Dork Boy likes for some reason. Of course, this early exposure to Hemingway probably dooms The Kid to a love of drinking, fishing, bullfighting and short simple declarative sentences.

Based on his first couple of picks Dork Boy should not be allowed to pick what The Kid reads, so The Kid turns to the internet to pick and the fancy dancy poll widget on the Blogger. There are several choices.

First, "Harry Potter and The Sorcerer's Stone" which is clearly the key book to know to be part of the in crowd in preschool these days. Plus, being the child of Dork Boy he is going to be exposed to lots of stories of wizards and quests, so he might as well get started early.

Second, "Fever Pitch" a much better book than the craptastic movie, cause it has nothing to do with Jimmy Fallon or the Red Sox. It is about fanatical sports interest and soccer, two things The Kid will need to know about being the child of both Dork Boy and The Wife.

Third, "What It Means to Be a Bulldog: Vince Dooley, Mark Richt, and Georgia's Greatest Players" because well it's good to be a Georgia Bulldog, and the indoctrination should start early and often.

Fourth, "Leahy's Lads: The Story of the Famous Notre Dame Football Teams of the 1940s" because The Wife feels indoctrination should have some sort of equal time clause.

Fifth, "A Bear Called Paddington" because T-Bear feels this story of a bear living in London is one of the most touching stories ever. Plus, Dork Boy enjoyed it as a child.

Finally, "Congo" because Monkey feels this tragic tail of super smart monkeys brutally oppressed by their naked ape overlords is a lesson everybody should learn early.

So if you have an opinion vote early and vote often.

The Pack Leader Report: The Lair Is Mine

2008-04-10T23:30:00.000-07:00

Finally the joint is mine again! The Curly Haired two legger is back to leaving nice an early, and no longer interfering with my control of the lair. To make up for her frequent interferences, she gives me nice frozen peanut butter kong treats. I do love those things!!!. They've got some peanut butter and then some foodies, it's all frozen and refreshing. Plus, having to lick at the frozen peanut butter gives me something to do while waiting for Dork two legger to finally get out of bed. Although, that's not much of an issue these days, since the new little two legger seems to get him up pretty early.

The Little Two Legger, starts making some crazy barking noise and Dorko starts stumbling around for a while trying to make a bottle for the little guy. These bottles look awfully boring to me, but the little guy seems like them. Or maybe not, since he seems to really like getting them,but does seem to spit alot of them on the floor. I helpfully clean that up. Dorko seems to have his hands full getting the little guy dressed and down the stairs with out falling over. Dorko is really not about running with the pack early in the day.

The Kid fails to hold in the latest bottle of boob juice.

Once the feeding process is done, we all pile in the car, and head off to something Dorko likes to call Sherpa School. As Pack Leader, I'm pretty sure this may be some sort of gross cultural injustice against The Nanny's heritage, but it seems to amuse Dorko. And since Dorko needs all the fun he can get, I let it slide. Little Two Legger seems to spend a great deal of time with The Nanny and Baby D. Although what kind of learning goes on in this school is beyond me cause when Little Two Legger returns later in the day, he is no better at sitting, staying, or shaking. Maybe they need better treats. That was always the key to my success in school.

The Kid, Baby D, and The Nanny demonstrate the appropriate way to carry a disabled client off a mountain.

After Dorko and I drop off Little Two Legger, we return to my lair, and I get my well deserved foodies. I receive my well deserved foodies in The Crate, well the two leggers call it The Crate, I call it the Regal Pack Throne Hall. Then I spend a while overseeing my domain. Sure the foolish bear and monkey run around watching the Food Network and Animal Planet and drinking banana honey daiquiris thinking they run the show, but no it is my domain!!! They think they will learn to overthrow me by watching the Dog Whisperer. Little do they know am I true master of pack dominance and will control them always!!!

Anyway, after the bear and monkey have had there fun, Curly Haired two legger returns with Little Two Legger, and I lead them around my hilltop domain. I try to teach them to chase so Little Two Legger will be able to catch something other than bottles, but despite my best efforts, they are horrible chasers. There is only so much a Pack Leader can do. Once we return home I allow them to pet me, then a retire to the Regal Pack Throne Hall to await my next richly deserved bowl of foodies.

Pack Leader waits in the Pack Royal Throne Hall for her next long overdue bowl of foodies.

It is good to be Pack Leader!

The Kid is First Class

2008-04-09T11:21:00.000-07:00

The Kid recently made his first flight to Chicago to visit the small horde that is The Wife's extended family. T-Bear and Monkey were unable to make the flight. Well Monkey could make the flight, but is not foolish enough to even consider going to Chicago before May. T-Bear, on the other hand, had an unfortunate incident involving way to many honey lattes, a very long security line and an unsuspecting TSA officer, that has resulted in him spending a brief period of time on the do not fly list.

So Dork Boy, The Wife and The Kid made the nice early trip to the airport. After a brief bit of security line anxiety by Dork Boy, they made it through security and to the gate on time. It was shortly after this that The Kid got to experience the greatness that is First Class - the super reclining seats, the tasty treats and the free drinks, it was totally his kind of scene. He immediately dubbed himself officially a first class only baby. While the The Kid didn't get to try the drinks, he did seem to enjoy the lovely engine white noise. He was an excellent flyer, and by the end of the flight he was actually beloved by his fellow First Class Individuals.

The Kid sort of enjoying the First Class Experience.

Once The Kid arrived in Chicago, he got to experience a new first - snow!!!! The Kid was not that huge a fan of the snow, but he was positively jovial in comparison to The Wife who might have taught the kid a few new words when she saw the snow.

After recovering from the snow The Kid had a very nice visit. He had lots of quality time with Gigi and Grammy and he got to spend some time watching some March Madness with Poppy. He and Poppy also tried talking a little German. The Kid seemed to enjoy it a lot, but his baby coos were probably not nearly guttural enough to be true german baby talk.

He got to see the original crazy Aunts, who were crazy as normal. He saw his "sorta" Aunts Allie and Kristen, as well as Baby MC, Mr. Mario, and Princess Lulu. In addition, he got to hang out with his cousins(of some unclear amount of degree and removedness) Maximus Canon Hands and Tater Buns. Thanks to them, The Kid is now much more knowledgeable on the ways of super heroes and super villains. The Kid has begun trying to coo "Wolverine". It's not going so well.

Cousin Maximus Canon Hands is a little concerned about The Kid's inability
to understand the anti-hero cool of Wolverine.

Pack Leader Report: Stupid Bunny

2008-03-23T11:12:00.000-07:00

I have no idea how I, Pack Leader, managed to miss a giant egg laying, basket carrying bunny that just came sauntering into my house. Clearly watching after the Kid has made me soft. Back in the day when I and the two leggers did a lot more walking and I was stalking squirrels on a daily basis, that giant bunny never would have stood a chance. At least stupid T-Bear and his so called super sensitive bear nose, missed the bunny too (Really his nose is only good for sniffing out honey and the odd bit of BBQ, not that's not useful, but by no means is it super). Crazy Monkey claims he saw this giant bunny, but thought it was some sort of hallucination caused by a bad banana. Luckily, the Bunny wasn't up to any funny business and left The Kid a nice haul of stuff.

The Kid showing off his impressive Easter basket haul.

The only reason I am not out tracking the Bunny now is my continuing inability to master those blasted doors, and he left me a nice treat too. But next year, mark my words bunny, I won't be fooled by your silly tricks. Nobody just saunters through Pack Leaders lair with out my say so! Beware Bunny!! Beware!!!

Pack Leader inspects The Stupid Easter Bunnies pitiful offering to escape vengeance. Luckily it was very tasty.

The Kid No Swaddle Can Contain

2008-03-23T11:01:00.000-07:00

After an extensive training regiment involving Bear-based strength training and a Monkey based program of general squirminess, the Kid is now officially The Kid No Swaddle Could Contain.(tm)

The Kid is busting out all over.

The Kid Meets Grumps

2008-03-07T22:56:00.000-08:00

The Kid had a big milestone recently. He finally got to meet his Grandpa Grumps.

They both seemed to have survived the experience. In fact, they both seemed to have a good time. The Kid felt Grumps needed to work a little bit on his bounce technique, but all in all he showed quite of bit of talent for the Grandpa business. The Kid was very interested in this Scotch thing Grumps seemed to like. Also The Kid, was very interested in these boiled peanuts that Grumps seemed fond of. T-Bear has also requested to be involved in any future scotch and boiled peanut educational events.

The Kid Grows Some More

2008-03-07T22:01:00.000-08:00

The Kid continues to grow. He is now up to almost 9lbs. 14oz. He continues to be a bit long and lean, but other than that he seems to be doing well. As part of his growing process, he has begun to try and master the tricky skills of smiling and thumb sucking. In addition, T-Bear has begun to try and teach him some more useful skills that are involved in the process of catching fish.

The Kid staring down his training partners Wally and Olly

T-Bear has been training The Kid against Olly the Octopus and Wally The Whale. The Kid has been wrestling with Wally.

Here The Kid can be seen after taking down Wally.

Due to Olly's arm advantage, T-Bear has The Kid working on his kung fu skills.

Here The Kid can be seen trying some sort of punch grab sort of maneuver.

There have been some who are not sure how wrestling and kung fu will actually help The Kid learn to fish, but T-Bear assures us that these are very key skills in getting salmon out of the river in Alaska. It should be noted there appears to be no record of T-Bear actually being in Alaska or really any river. Luckily, regardless of his eventual fishing skills, the kid will have some very impressive smiling skills to fall back on.

The Kid showing off the results of his hours of smile practice.

The Kid is Endorsed

2008-02-04T10:05:00.000-08:00

After an extensive lobbying effort by T-Bear, The Kid has been endorsed by the State of Texas. The Kid is obviously very proud of this endorsement, and would like to say how much he loves the state of Texas. There are still a number of questions about what exactly this endorsement means. There have been a few tangible benefits, both sets of grandparents have received official certificates of congratulation. The Kid has received an official certificate as well, most exciting he has received the flag of Texas that flew over the capitol, the day he was born.

The Kid relaxing with his endorsement flag, and official Texas dirt.

Some other benefit that are rumored to be part of the endorsement are the state of Texas officially acknowledges the kid is soothed by the Texas Two Step; the kid officially does not look like an idiot when wearing a cowboy boot; jeans and cowboy boots are now always appropriate; the Kid can now consider Lyle Lovett, David Allen Coe and Hank Williams cool, and not in an ironic way. It's not all great being endorsed by Texas, The Kid will be expected to render some sort of opinion on the Romo - Jessica Simpson fiasco. He is not looking forward to reviewing the large stack of US magazine he will need to review.

The Kid contemplates adding a cowboy hat to go with his overalls.

The key figure in getting this highly prized endorsement was T-Bear. T-Bear said the key to the endorsements was a number of frank and productive conversations, and a large number of Shiner Bocks. Also, helping was a clever ploy involving dirt filled booties. By placing a pair of booties filled with Texas Soil under the Kid's bed, T-Bear was able to claim the Kid was born on Texas soil. This was a big point to the Texas negotiating committee. Texans are very big fans of all things Texas related.

T-Bear said he knew nothing about several large shipments of honey that were believed to be headed to Dallas. T-Bear was also unsure how this would effect the upcoming Texas primary as the Kid is unable to run for President due to age restrictions. He did assume the 2044 Primary would be unnecessary as the Kid would then be of age to accept the Presidential nomination. The Kid's political affiliations are also unknown, and can not even be inferred from his stated positions. His only position statement has been that he is pro-boob.

The Pack Leader Report

2008-01-17T22:24:00.000-08:00

Things have been interesting with the pack lately. Furry Two Legger and Curly Haired Two Legger left for a couple of days, and came back with this small little two legger. Well at least I think it is a two legger, it seems to have two legs , but doesn't seem to actually use them. The little two legger doesn't really do much of anything except make these weird annoying high pitched cries. Being a benelovent Pack Leader, I have learned to ignore these annoying cries. Furry and Curly Haired Two Leggers however seem to find these cries incredibly interesting as they spend a lot of time watching the little one cry. Why they would do that instead of giving me my rubbies is really beyond me.

The only redeeming quality the little one has as far as I can tell, is they attract these other two leggers called "Grandmas". I like the Grandmas. They are very good about giving me plenty of rubbies, and they are not stingy with the treats.

Of course, as much as I like the grandmas, the little one also attracts a bad element. First, there is Pack Leader 2, or at least that's what the two leggers have been calling it. It is nothing like the great me. It is a very wide dog that really just lays about. Except for once when it growled at me. Although, that may have been the Curly Haired Two Legger trying to be funny. She has no idea how close Pack Leader 2 was to being eviscerated.

Pack Leader and Pack Leader 2 attempt to reach some sort of detente.

The other bad element is Monster Ball. It's a ball so you would think it would be likable, but it's monstrously large. And it makes weird echoy noises, so I never turn my back on it. One day, I will find a way to grab it and then I will smush it, but for now we have an uneasy truce. But watch yourself Monster Ball, I will not be trifled with!!!

Pack Leader warily approaches Monster Ball.

While I seemed to be stuck with the useless little one as part of my pack, I tried to add squishy ball to the pack. It is a great and wonderful ball, it is funny colors, it squishes and squeaks. It has all sorts of wonderful smells that are fun to track. It flies, it bounces, it rolls. It is infinitely more entertaining than the little one, and does tons more stuff. But no, Curly Haired declared it was disgusting, and wouldn't bring it out of the transport device. I do get to play with squishy ball at my kingdom on top of the hill, but damn the two leggers and their mastery of doors, or Squishy Ball would totally be part of the pack.

Squishy Ball, Pack Leader's preferred new pack member. Squishy Ball seems perfectly happy in the car.

Well the useless little one seems to be emitting some interesting smells I need to go check out, so concludes this pack report.

The Kid Makes Weight

2008-01-15T17:30:00.000-08:00

The Kid is now 2 weeks old, and has just had his 2 week check-up. He has made massive weight gains to get back above his birth weight. He now clocks in at 7 lbs and 1.75 ounces.

While he is still relatively small, registering in only the 10th percentile for his age, The Kid has added a massive 10% of his body weight in a little over a week. This massive change in body type, as well as increase in The Kid's head size, has some people wondering if the Kid's incredible achievements are the results of performance enhancing products. However, The Kid's trainer, T-Bear, is adamant that the changes are the natural results of the growth process and a lot of hard dedicated work by The Kid at the boob. When questioned about a mysterious cream T-Bear was seen applying to The Kid, T-Bear insisted it was a natural banana and honey cream used to sooth tired babies. However, when asked to provide a sample of the cream, T-Bear abruptly insisted he had a very important appointment and could spare no more time for questions.

The Kid had no comment when questioned about his massive weight gain.

The Kid expressing his complete and total lack of a comment regarding allegations of extreme weight gain.

Strike!!!

2008-01-11T14:12:00.000-08:00

Things are a bit tense in the house at the moment. The Kid is on a nursing strike. Currently the situation is relatively calm, but earlier things were very tense.

The kid in the midst of his nursing strike.

The Kids demands are still a bit vague, although there is some speculation the strike maybe related to Dork Boy dressing him in a funny hat.

The hat that may have initiated the strike.

Other theories are that The Kid is demanding more religious freedom. While Dork Boy worships at the Church of The All Fixing Duct Tape, while The Kid, given the crowd he hangs out with, seems to be more inclined to worship at the Temple of The Massive Holding Strength Gorilla Tape.

Further evidence The Kid is a fan of Gorilla Tape.

Negotiations are currently on going, and all parties are hopeful an amicable agreement can be reached.

The Gang Of Three

2008-01-08T10:58:00.000-08:00

As the kid is a bit of all night animal, and likes to be upstairs and downstairs, Monkey and T-Bear were getting a bit worn out. Monkey had heard it takes a village to raise a child, so he figured a jungle could also raise a child, so he called in the Gang Of Three, a tribe of Gorilla's he knew in his younger days. They're a little rough, but they and The Kid seem to enjoy hanging out in the day, while T-Bear and Monkey rest up to get the kid through his wild nights.

The Kid and The Gang Of Three hang out in Dork Boy's Old Bassinet

The Kid Claims The Room

2008-01-05T18:10:00.000-08:00

The Kid has made it home and is already claiming the place as his own. Not only does he have Dork Boy and The Wife entertaining him at all hours of the morning, he also has Grandma Gigi and Grandpa Bilbo around to clothe him and carry him around while he gets a handle on the whole crawling thing. Plus, Monkey, T-Bear, and Pack Leader have explained the subtle details of ownership by peeing. He has managed to pee on both Dork Boy and The Wife, as well as, getting the changing table and off the table and across to the crib. The Kid is pretty sure he will own the whole upstairs by the end of the week.

Monkey,T-Bear and The Kid Plan the ambush that got Dork Boy.

The Kid Arrives

2008-01-03T22:10:00.000-08:00

T-Bear and Monkey are now on the clock.

On Jan. 1 The Kid decided he had had enough of Gamedays being spent in the womb, and he was making kickoff for the Sugar Bowl. This was not exactly an easy task since he didn't really start his approach until 2 or 3 in the morning of Jan 1, but by 7am he had estabilished a nice steady pattern to the contractions, and from there the Wife really managed to shoot him out with the help of the great man himself, Dr. Paul, Anesthesiologist of the Gods, and his trusty epidural. Also with some help by Dr. Green, who managed to slide into the room just in time to catch the kid as he arrived. Dork Boy, was some what helpful, he managed to not pass out at any point in the proceeding and he did cut the cord turning the kid loose on the world.

The Kid With Dork Boy and The Wife

Christmas With The Grumps

2008-01-03T19:04:00.000-08:00

Well things were hopping around here. Dork Boy's family came out to check out the pad and see how things were set up for The Kids arrival. First to arrive were the Crazy Aunt 2 and Fire Fighter Unc. They were of course a great deal of fun. Next to arrive were Grumps and Grammy Goose, who made it despite having to spend an evening of fun in the Denver Airport. As is often the case in Grumps family get together, there was a great deal of drinking and football watching. First the kids went to check out The Rosenblum Winery in Alameda, which is very very tasty wine, especially for a wine made in a former naval base. Then they tried to visit the Hangar One Distillery, to taste vodkas and scotches. However, they were foiled by the release of Absinthe, which, despite being by all accounts, a truly disgusting drink, some how or another lured mobs of people to taste it. Since the kids didn't have any desire to wait for 4 hours to taste a bad tasting hallucinatory beverage, they went home and drank beer. T-Bear and Monkey did not really understand the fascination with things not beer and banana related.

The next day, after collecting Grumps and G. Goose from the airport, the family once again tried the Hangar One Distillery to see if they could find find some good scotch for Grumps (he is remarkably less grumpy with some good scotch.) The family quickly learned Vodka tasting not quite the relaxed tasting experience of the winery. First, there were are a lot of alcohols to taste. Second, they all had completely different tastes: lemon, lime, rasberry, black tea, white tea, scotch, plain vodka, dessert wine stuff. The combination of these can be a bit rough on a stomach. Monkey was a bit annoyed there was no banana vodka. T-Bear was a bit weirded out by the honey-white tea concoction. In the end, the family decided they preferred to drank beer and eat boiled peanuts.

The next day was devoted to smoking turkeys, drinking beer, and eating boiled peanuts. Then the next day was devoted to unwrapping presents. Dork boy was very excited to get a meat cook book, and a new drill. The new drill was especially exciting as it may avoid some of future blind type disasters.

Here Pack Leader, Monkey and T-Bear recover from the Grumps visit.

The Blinds and New Words

2007-12-12T23:59:00.000-08:00

T-Bear and Monkey have settled into The Kid's room. All in all, Dork Boy and the Wife have done a fairly nice job of outfitting the room. It is very nice and cozy. However, there was one problem - no blinds over the window. This insured that T-Bear and Monkey were up nice and early. While they enjoyed that, they did realize that a more or less nocturnal Dork Boy, an infant, and early morning sunshine were recipe for disaster. To avert disaster the guys decided to order some blinds that Dork Boy agreed to install.

Things went relatively well at the beginning, the blinds arrive in one piece. Things sort of went down hill after that. The first attempt to install the blinds failed due to a small measuring error. The blinds were too large for the frame. Dork Boy took this remarkably well. Only a few bad words were used, and generally they were grumbled more than shouted.

Here T-Bear discovers a measuring error. The hard hat protected him from Dork Boy's Deadwood impression.

Dork Boy and The Wife then had a frank and friendly conversation with helpful blind makers. The blind makers assured Dork Boy and The Wife that the blinds were made to the requested size. The blindmakers were unable to actually find any record of Dork Boy and The Wife ordering the blinds, but that should in no way imply they may have made an error in constructing the blinds.

Left with no choice but to make the too long blinds work, Dork Boy and The Wife made a quick trip to the wasteland that is the local Home Depot. After a successful battle with the incredibly inconvientent, convient self check out kiosk, they had created some extensions for the window frame. Now they just had to do some screwing. Simple enough. However, they failed to consider that either Dork Boy has no handy man skills(the most likely explanation) or the front wall of the house is filled with some sort of screw clamping goo(the home inspector doubts this greatly). For whatever reason, and despite repeated and determined attempts, as well as some very inventive swearing, Dork Boy was unable to actually get the screws all the way into the wall. This made it very difficult to actually install the frame extensions and the mounting brackets for the blinds.

After taking a brief break to fully concetrate on the swearing, Dork Boy remembered the teachings of Grandpa Grumps - Duct Tape can fix anything. So Dork Boy set about deciding how to hang the blinds from the ceiling using duct tape. Luckily, The Wife arrived on the scene at this point. She managed to point out there might be a few flaws in suspending blinds above their child's head using duct tape, and that maybe a better plan would be to try the screws again, but this time use Fake Unc Challenger's more powerful drill. The Wife's logic, and a beer as bribery, convinced Dork Boy to give this plan a try.

With the new drill, Dork Boy managed to get the extension more or less secured to the wall. Then Dork Boy discovered that mounting brackets for the blinds were too narrow to allow the drill to be used. It was at this point that Dork Boy went completely Deadwood.

While Dork Boy spent his time describing various anatomical impossibilities,T-Bear and Monkey decided they would just finish the blinds. With a simple screw driver and astounding teddy strength, T-Bear screwed in the brackets by hand. Monkey then used his monkey climbing skills to actually install the blinds.

Some time around then, Dork Boy managed to calm down enough to admire the guy's handywork. He was impressed and quite happy the job was done. He then toddled off to have another beer, and contemplate his great hope that The Kid inherits his and Granpa Grump's ability to calmly accept and overcome these little handyman challenges.

Here we see Monkey making some last minute adjustments to the blinds.

We have arrived!!

2007-12-08T22:04:00.000-08:00

T-Bear and Monkey have arrived.

They made their arrival at a lovely swarae thrown by Fake Aunt Brooke Anne and Fake Aunt Work Wife. Sure the supposed purpose of the event was to celebrate The Kid's coming arrival, but as he never actually showed up, really the highlight of the evening was the arrival of T-Bear and Monkey.

T-Bear and Monkey are the direct descendants of the animals that helped raise Dork Boy and The Wife to be the fine individuals they are today. Now some may wonder how helping raise Dork Boy qualifies you for raising other children, but T-Bear the Elder would like to point out he did his best to limit Dork Boy's dorkiness, but there is only so much a stuffed animal can due to limit a child's true nature. And T-Bear the Elder would also like to point out Dork Boy doesn't have anything to do with World Of War Craft which must speak to some non-dorkiness in him.

Anyway, T-Bear and Monkey arrived with some fanfare, after an initial round socializing, got down to checking out the situation. They immediately discovered that Dork Boy was more or less useless. He was obsessed with watching LSU vs. The Evil Orange Creamsicles of JackDanielsLand. While T-Bear understood the desire to do what you can to stop the Evil Orange Creamsicles of JackDanielsLand, he also knew that there was a huge pile of baby crab that had to be cataloged and organized. T-Bear and Monkey quickly got to work getting all of the lovely baby crap packed up and in the car. Then, with the help of the lovely grandmas, they managed to get The Kid's room all set up. Dork boy managed to drink a number of Porters and cheer The Evil Orange Creamsicles of JackDanielsLand to defeat, so really it was a lovely and productive day for everybody. Below are some pictures of the results of T-Bear, Monkey and the Grandma's work.

Here are T-Bear and Monkey at there post happily awaiting the arrival of The Kid.